Limbo

Its been 20 days since I returned from my year long stint at imec. It was a great place to learn and talk to people who know the industry in and out. though I must admit I felt a bit out of place at times, because of my tendency to ask a lot of questions. 

Now I am in limbo, I pressed the self destruct button on my PhD application. The way I think about it, it is a way that I can choose that will lead me to nowhere, a lifetime of servitude to people who dont deserve it. I have seen some aspects of research which make it look like a dehumanizing process, where the dream inside an individual gets killed off and gets replaced by cynicism, distrust, hatred. Very few phd candidates connect with their boss which is a worrying fact because that is the person who is supposed to be closest to you in the four/five years. Anyway that is another aspect of life I have noticed, people in several offices dont want to be close to their colleagues. 

So what does a person with a Masters in Nanotechnology and work experience in solar cells do sitting at home? I have the option of resuming some kind of work at IITB, working with BCL or connecting with Sagar. Aside from these options, I am exploring programming on Raspberry Pi and trying to find a unique solution that I can perhaps use to market and develop skills in automation. Its a far off proposal but if I can land myself on the right track, I will be good. 

The main thing in the limbo period is to not sleep too much, keep the fire alive inside me. After all that is precisely why I stayed away from a PhD- to keep the fire alive. I have many skills to learn, many bridges to cross. I think of it this way- there are many activities that you can do without having to base yourself in an official research lab at a company or university. And these activities that one does unofficially are what lead to a business or startup. And that is the direction I seek to take, to break this circle of poverty in my family (not that we are poor but we cannot take day to day decisions without worrying about the money, even family ties get strained over monetary issues). I strongly believe working in a big organization especially in nanotechnology or research in general is too much of a group effort to matter anymore- like an ant in an anthill. 

This limbo period is what will define the rest of my life. Its a time to learn and find my way. Lets hope the next update has something substantial.